Kundalini Yoga - The Crisis + The Call
(Let me start by saying this is my first foray into a conversation that is bigger than I dare to understand and a first voicing of what I feel to be true for me right now. I am a human being with no more answers and no less questions than anyone else. I add my voice only in recognition of my role and, therefore, responsibility as a teacher of kundalini yoga.)
During 'these times’ that 2020 has brought to us all, I’ve not felt the lull, the pause, the deep breath that some have. On the contrary, I’ve experienced one of the busiest periods of my life professionally and personally. And, as I’m sure it has been for wherever your experience has landed on the spectrum of ‘busy-ness’, it’s been deeply uncomfortable, instructive, challenging and (when I could breathe) inspiring. So just when I was asking my practice to hold me in brand new ways, and so that I could hold class for you all, the news broke. Whispers became formalised allegations and a posthumous investigation into Yogi Bhajan’s conduct as a teacher, guide and guru was opened.
Who was yoga bhajan (to me)?
Yogi Bhajan is generally hailed as the guru who brought kundalini yoga to the west, as a lighthouse of Sikhism within the community and a revered Mahan Tantric (leader of White Tantra). For most people who are teachers of kundalini yoga in the western world, we were certified as Teachers of Kundalini Yoga as Taught by Yogi Bhajan.
When I completed my teacher training in 2016 at his ashram in New Mexico, our cohort was challenged early on - confronted by the devotion and dedication to the man over the practice, the lauding of him almost as a deity, not necessarily by our teachers but within the ashram community and beyond. Some found the opulence of his ranch at direct odds with what was expected of a spiritual teacher (think qualities of humility, simplicity etc).
It would prove to be one of the most priceless gifts of the experience. Because, at the very point I opened to sharing the practice with anyone who wanted to join me on the mat, I became crystal clear I couldn’t worship one man as any more divine as anyone else. I trained with the clear understanding that, whilst Yogi Bhajan may have made accessible yogic practices that I found invaluable, he was a messenger not my guru.
The olive branch report.
The Olive Branch report was released last weekend as the summary of the investigation into various allegations brought against Yogi Bhajan. The report leaves very little doubt that Yogi Bhajan committed several instances of sexual battery and harassment whilst he was alive. As someone who has experienced sexual abuse, it was a heartbreaking read. Heartbreaking to know the courage it took of people to endured what they did, and to come forward and share such details. And it was vital to me, in my integrity as a teacher of kundalini yoga, that I read it. I don't believe I could ethically continue to teach whilst choosing to be blind to the details of what has happened.
Right now, our community is grieving. Some still hold the man as a Guru, one who will never fall from grace. Some have walked away from everything remotely associated with his world, unable to split any of it from his abuses. Some are sitting in silence working out what it all means. Some are proactively opening compassionate conversation with anyone who needs it, without offering any answers themselves. I feel for each and every response and reaction. I am also grateful for the generally proactive stance the central organisations have taken to address the full ramifications of this report.
Be your own guru.
Yogi Bhajan is not the only yogi or guru to fail to meet the integrity befitting his self-appointed position in this world. We have and are seeing heroes, gurus, bosses fall in every sector of society. There is what feels like a horrifying vacuum of leadership right at the time the world feels in complete crisis when it comes to the fundamentals of life as we know it: environment, health, money, safety, and humanity.
Now, more than ever, these times are calling for us to lead our own way. To speak of the injustices even with trembling voices. To stand tall in our own integrity even with shaking limbs. To feel deeply into our experiences even if the emotions shake us to our core. And to know how to do that all without crumbling and delegating our power to another.
For me, kundalini yoga has created the container to practice this, to generate resilience, compassion, strength and truth from within. For this reason, I’ll continue to share the tools and the technologies I know. For this reason, I’ll continue to feel blessed and humbled when you join me in this journey of ours.
What I offer in class is not of Yogi Bhajan, it is of ancient practices handed down through generations long gone. And I am not your teacher and I am not your guru. I leave that to your body, your breath, your heart and the way your energy asks you to move through the day. I am here to feel my way through the journey, through my own human being-ness, and to share the space with you to do the same.
We’re all just walking each other home.
We are in this together, in the human-ness and the divine, the successes and the mis-takes, the ebbs and the flows as we all try to create a positive legacy and a slightly better world whilst we are here. No-one is coming to save us, the world just needs us to come home to ourselves in our truths, integrity and love. And it starts now.