Accountability and Why It’s A Two-Way Street
You could be anywhere in the world and, right now, you'll be hearing calls for accountability.
We want politicians to be accountable for their decisions (supposedly in our name) and their behaviour in the positions of power which we allow them. We want men to be accountable for the way they show up, individually and in crowds, in relation to anyone else. We want those who are the majority in a white-washed world to start being allies to those who aren't... The list is endless.
And in all that, we've become embroiled in the terms trust, truth, fact, news, supremacy, superiority and discernment.
It's a lot.
It's a lot when we feel viscerally that we can do and be better but can't remember how to make it happen. It's a lot when we're focused on also simply staying healthy and sane for our own sakes.
So here are some things we can practice:
Practice lovingly speaking out about the little things with those you love. Those things that you swallow words over because it seems petty but drives you nuts? Find words for those things. It's not about nagging. It's about creating spaces where you all feel heard and acknowledged just as you are. And it's about learning how to give voice to the things we didn't think we could say.
Let them do the same. We can't crave people accepting us as we are and then expect them to be perfect or to simply never be impacted by us. Let's learn how to be better listeners, even when it's uncomfortable. We don't have to agree with what we hear to listen well.
Create a space between you and your loved ones where little mistakes/ miscommunications/ misunderstandings aren't just 'made okay' with an apology but where you can also venture into the uncomfortable conversation about how you may have contributed to it in the first place. If we're going to do and be different, it's going to HAVE to be okay to make mistakes. THIS is the space where we learn and grow.
Focus on one thing you can do to make a difference. And do it. It can change week to week. Sometimes I practice smiling and men I pass in the street from a place of strength rather than fear (#Truth). Sometimes, it's making sure I've my keep cup and extra bag with me (#plasticfree). Sometimes it's marching. Sometimes it's making sure that, if I'm going to be a keyboard warrior, I engage with the topic and not the people shouting around it. Find your thing. And do it.
Be strong in your values, open in your communication. Chances are, even those we deeply agree with are coming from similar values. We’re not here to fight over hashtags, we’re here to redefine legacies of old. If we spend our time pointing our fingers at others, we are missing the point. The more defensive we feel, the deeper we dig into the familiar. And the familiar, in the most part, HAS to change. These times are calling for us to find a different way of dialoguing with 'the other side', to find the common strand in our stories and weave a different ending together.
I am a strong believer in focusing on the solution, rather than the problem. And I believe that all major social change is founded in enough people making small and important shifts in how they show up in this world. We are ALL accountable in how the world is to whatever extent we have agency over any contributing situation. Equal agency is what we are calling for; how you are using your agency now is what matters.
Build your own strength, bolster your own nervous system, cultivate your own self-trust, practice speaking up and out, own your own mistakes and successes equally. Then be the best ally you can to anything that makes it possible for the whole world to do the same, moment by moment.